On March 18, 2008 my depression had gotten to the best of me and I had decided to try to take my own life by overdosing on prescription pills. If it wasn’t for the love of my family and my friends I know I would not be here today.
The Out of the Darkness Walk really opened my eyes to how this disease hurts everybody. Being in the shoes of the people that decided to take their life I know how they felt; that no one would care if they were gone. But being there I saw all the people it does hurt. Mothers, fathers, children, and spouses. It was a very surreal moment to think my mother and sister could have been two of those people grieving over me. It also helped me to talk to some of the mental health people at the Walk. They also gave me information about depression. I’m a lot better now. I want to be an example of how you can come out of this happy and enjoying life and to let people know it WILL get better. Heather
This letter is for anyone who has suffered with depression or the loss of someone by suicide. I have gone through both. I know what it feels like to be on both ends of the spectrum. My dad died by suicide on February 12, 2008 while on medication for depression. Seeing the pictures of the 07 Walk online made me realize I wanted to help others and hopefully help myself by doing this Walk. How right I was!
One of the most influential parts was when Betsy spoke about her son’s death certificate only saying the cause of death was by suicide and it didn’t mention anything like “due to complications of depression” as her husband’s death certificate had said when he died due to complications of Lou Gehrig’s Disease. YES, the DISEASE of depression was what caused my dad’s suicide. Telling all of us to take the depression inventory to our doctors so they could ask all their patients to take the test was brilliant and so necessary. We take so many precautionary tests and leave this vital mental health one out!
The Remembrance Wall was the toughest part of the day. I could not bare to walk in there and put dad’s picture on the Wall, hating the fact that his picture even belonged there. I was just so heartbroken: my 9-yr old son had to help me hang it. But once it was hung, just looking at the others’ pictures, especially those of the very young, made me realize I was not alone and that all the others at the Walk understood – we all understood without saying a word to each other!
I think the curtain of cranes and the banner we all signed were good ways for my young boys to express their grief. They found cranes that reminded them of Grampy and will always keep them.
The weeks and days leading up to the Walk brought back a lot of painful memories & I was pretty messed up for a while obsessing over his death. The mental exhaustion of the day was tremendous, but, it truly brought a healing to my soul. I cannot explain it. The day AFTER was like this huge boulder had finally been lifted off my shoulders, the peace that God so desperately wanted me to have had finally come, maybe because I realize so many others have had this happen, and our only choice is to be a survivor and be as happy as we can, since life is so short and so precious.
Yes, I will always have the quiet, alone times of “why?” but most days I look at his picture and smile. I know he is smiling with the angels. We share our memories, continue to use a lot of his little sayings that we have used for years, and miss him every day.
I know the money we raised will help others and I am so thankful that my personal healing can also be a source of healing for others. We will always be a part of this Walk!
Dear Chris,
Thank you so much for the invitation and opportunity to participate in the 3rd annual Out of the Darkness Walk at Mount Trashmore on September 13, 2008. It is rare that a community event focuses on an area that is so close to my heart and my life's work. I have unfortunately witnessed the sometimes devastating results of untreated depression and have known many who have battled the symptoms of debilitating depression. Some have tragically ended their lives by suicide and I walked in their memory. Others have reached out and sought treatment for depression and I walked in celebration of their new-found hope.
I am challenged to find the words to adequately describe my experience as I watched 800+ people of all ages and walks of life come together with a common purpose… to raise awareness and hope for those struggling with depression with the ultimate goal of preventing suicide. I found each component of the day to have such meaning-
I have participated and supported community walks that raise awareness of many life threatening illnesses, such as the Heart Walk, March of Dimes, Juvenile Diabetes… the list goes on. Through the Out of the Darkness Walk, I had the opportunity to participate in raising awareness about depression, which untreated, can have the same devastating result. By participating, I helped chip away at the stigma associated with mental health and the resulting shame and isolation. Even the act of talking to my own family and friends about my participation in the Walk opened the door to talking about depression and suicide.
Your efforts and tireless energy resulted in a truly meaningful day and I sincerely thank you for championing this worthwhile cause. What a gift it was to experience the sense of community, increased awareness of depression and suicide, collective healing and remembrance in a day filled with hope.
Sincerely,
Ann Graham, LCSW, Director of
Riverside Behavioral Health Center
To the Chick-Fil-A People:
My name is Jennifer Shinault and I wanted to share with you how your kindness in your community has touched my family. My children and I have unfortunately had the most tragic loss of the most important person in our life. My husband and their father without warning committed suicide in August. We have been quietly suffering amongst our family and friends when on my way to work my first week back your company touched our lives. I had stopped by to get a tea on my way back to work: it was my first week back to work. I have to tell you I was so touched I had to pull over into the nearby Wal-Mart parking lot to try to pull myself back together. I almost always make a daily trek to your Chick-Fil-A for a morning tea but on this day you truly made a difference in our life. Through the drive in not only did I receive my order but a flier (which I still have in my purse) for the AFSP and their Walk for hope. I went to work after pulling myself together and immediately began to look up all the information I could find on the Walk and support groups for survivors of suicide. I am 35 years old and I have three children and I can tell you, I had no idea that there were that many other people that were living with the same agony that we had been. Through that flier, I have contacted a grief counselor, Chris Gilchrist, who specializes in helping families get through depression and tragedies like ours.
I just wanted to say thank you. For the hundreds of people that got that flier it may or may not have made a difference to them but for our family it truly has touched our lives, thank you.
With much respect,
Jennifer Shinault
Dear Members of Bethlehem Church,
Once again you have come along and supported me on my journey to healing and I just want to thank everyone for all of their support. In September, I came to you and asked for money or just being with me for a “Walk To Prevent Suicide”. I had many donations from individuals and groups at Bethlehem and I had around 32 people from Church go and walk with me. It was great to come together in a bus. My group raised around $1,500. This money will help enormously with the research, education and survivor services of suicide. This Walk helps to save lives. I was really amazed and grateful that so many thought so much of me and Russell to support me in this endeavor. People need to know that suicide is a major health problem and it is very hard for the family to get through this, but with the love and support of God and friends, it is possible to get through these difficult times. Once again thank you and God Bless you all and continue to keep me in your prayers for I know I still have a hard road to travel ahead of me. I love you all.
Love, Terese
This Walk was a true learning moment for me. I learned what a serious illness suicide is, how it effects everyone down to the community and why it is important to learn the signs and symptoms of it, so it can be recognized and treated. I am very proud to be able to take part in the Walk.
There really are no words that can truly describe what the Walk meant to me. It was a warm supportive yet sad experience. I was able to walk and reflect in the life of my friend who died, as well as reflect on my feelings of loss. This Walk allowed me to celebrate her life while giving encouragement to share more with people about depression and suicide. Thanks to you all!
It was inspirational to see how many survivors put their grief into action by participating in the Walk and associated activities - - hearing personal stories from persons touched by depression and suicide.
It’s a time to remember. A time to get together with those you’ve come to know and love and comfort one another. The pain is always there for all of us. The Walk is a place to share that and educate others.
Yes! Our community needs to be more aware of suicide and how to prevent it.
Supporting others and remembering that “it could have been me.”
It is hard to remember that part of my past - - when my husband couldn’t handle life anymore. Going to the Walk, putting his picture on the Memory Wall, hearing his name called was still hard after some years. It means a lot knowing someone cares about how I feel.
There is help out there for anyone that will reach out for it.
This was my first time and I was just amazed at the number of people who came out to attend. It made me even more aware of just how much suicide and depression can affect people and how it most definitely helps to have events like this to raise awareness.
It is so meaningful to have a way to publicly honor and remember our loved ones with others who understand.
Being there, surrounded by so many people who have had similar experiences, really opened my eyes to see that I’m not alone. The suicide in our family was a year ago, but no one talked about it. The speakers on stage brought us to tears. I think finally the healing has begun.
I personally felt a deep commitment to spread the word that depression is treatable. There is nothing to be ashamed to.
The reading of the 105 names of loved ones who died by suicide - - that was very powerful.
A feeling of togetherness with those who have suffered the same loss and the remembrance of my son in a spiritual way. Seeing so many others who have suffered from a similar loss I feel a bond with them and less alone.
The names of so many being called. It is so sad!
Yes it is important for people to know that depression is an illness (like diabetes) and there is no shame in asking for help.
Hearing the speakers, and also being able to place my friend’s picture on the Memory Wall was very meaningful.
I learned that suicide is preventable. There is help out there.
It was comforting to discover that there were so many people who understood what it is like to loose a family member to suicide.
I was moved by the Memory Wall, the curtain of cranes, the sense of acceptance and love within the group.
I am in my 10th year of healing and this was my first time being open with it with anyone other than family members. It gave me the insight that if others can make it so can I.
It was beautiful to watch people come together and to listen to the speakers share their personal experience. Recognizing the support from major persons and individuals alike – most impressive. I was so happy to be a part of this wonderful day.
The hope that it will help my children deal with their grief and help others who are dealing with depression and help people to come out of the darkness!
There is help out there.
The arm ribbons help you to understand what a person is going through.
It was a way to honor my friend who completed suicide, and also a way to raise awareness about depression. My husband has suffered from depression and made several unsuccessful suicide attempts – so the more I can learn will help me.
My children and I have been at all three walks and it gives us a special time to remember. I think it is helpful for them to know they are not alone.
To never be afraid to seek help for depression – it is treatable.
The Walk gave us an opportunity to honor my beautiful daughter and to be with others who know and share the loss of a loved one. The speakers were wonderful.
It was sobering, powerful and memorable to have a person very close to me attempt suicide in the past. This helped to put in perspective what someone goes through – the individual and their surviving friends and family.
I love the cranes and reading of names.
It was a bitter sweet day for my family and me. We were all nervous as to how we would feel but I think it was a healing moment for us all. The anniversary date was close to the Walk date so it was an inspiring day for us. We will definitely participate every year!
A celebration of life for me. There was a time when I wanted to end my life. It would have been the wrong decision.
The Walk is an effective tool to use to help people become aware of the seriousness of depression.
Also to help those contemplating suicide to know there is help available and that there is no stigma attached.
